What's the difference between David Beckham and a cunt?
A cunt is useful!

What has Posh Spice and the England team got in common?
They both get screwed by David Beckham

What do you call a girl with two cunts?
Posh Spice

What's the difference between David Beckham and Posh Spice?
Posh Spice doesn't kick when taken from behind.

When he got to New York after the match Posh Spice cooked him a special meal including pheasant. David didn't want it as he preferred to get in the Jacuzzi. Its not the first time he's thrown the game for an early bath.

What's the difference between David Beckham and a new Airfix model?
One's a glueless kit...

What would David Beckham's name be if he was a Spice Girl?
Waste of Spice

What have Posh Spice and David Beckham got in common?
They're both fucking crap footballers

David Beckham walks into a pub.
The barman says "Pint, Dave?"
Beckham replies "No, just a half then I'm off."

Why does Posh Spice always go on top when she and Dave are having sex?
Beckham can only fuck up.

Why does David Beckham win when playing poker?
He keeps getting red cards.

David Beckham walks into a sperm donor bank, "I'd like to donate some sperm" he says to the receptionist.
"Certainly Sir" replies the receptionist, "have you donated before?"
"Yes" replies Beckham "you should have my details on your computer".
"Oh yes, I've found your details" says the receptionist "but I see you're going to need help. Shall I call Posh Spice for you?"
"Why do I need help to donate sperm?" asks Beckham.
The receptionist replies "Well, it says on your record that you're a useless wanker..."

David Beckham goes down to breakfast with Posh Spice. She takes one look at him and fawns, "Mmm, David -- you look great."
Not one to miss his cue, Beckham does the necessary: pretty soon, they're getting down to a good old bit of heavy petting on the kitchen table. Posh Spice runs her hands over his body, and whispers, "Mmm, David -- you feel great, too." Then she nuzzles up to him and the next thing he knows, she's pulled away from him in disgust. "Yeugh, David -- you smell absolutely terrible".
Poor, sensitive lad that he is, Beckham is a bit perturbed by this revelation. He decides to seek a bit of practical help from his doctor. So off he toddles to the surgery, and says, "Doctor, I think there's something wrong with me. I look great and I feel great, but I smell absolutely terrible." The doc ponders these symptoms, and elects to give Beckham a thorough physical examination. Once he's done this, he nods sagely, and says, "Yes, I think I've found out what's wrong with you, Mr Beckham."
"What is it, Doc?" pipes up the plucky young pretty-boy.
The doc replies, "You're a cunt."

Beckham is doing an after dinner talk. Finishing up, he says "And the best thing about them is that they are only two calories, and they keep you breath fresh for up to two hours."
"David?" said a guy at the back, "We asked you to talk about tactics."

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