DJ Ess types in the italic Helv Font.
Nase_2K types in Courier.

DJ Ess finally rolls into work at approximately 09:20


Morning Dude! Wassup?

Tired, Tired, Tired, Tired, Tired, Tired, Tired, Tired, Tired, Tired, Tired, Tired, Tired, Tired, Tired, Tired, Tired, Tired, Tired, Tired, Tired, Tired, Tired, Tired, Tired, Tired, Tired, Tired, Tired, Tired, Tired, Tired, Tired, Tired, Tired, Tired, Tired, Tired, Tired, Tired, Tired, Tired, There must be something wrong with me as I am always so tired!!!!!

Nah man, you're just lazy. How's it going with the engagement party plans?

Ney bad, but it may be at Clapham if we can't find anywhere else that is cheap and can accommodate the numbers, that we are looking at.

Aw man, but Clapham sucks. Have it somewhere else.

Trust me I ain't to keen on Clapham myself, you now what I think of the place, at the moment I am going through Bedford and surrounding villages trying to think of somewhere else to hold it........

Well, like I said, there's always Upper Dean. What about asking X-Files's Dad if you can borrow the Marquee and have a garden party?

We have thought of a garden party, and I like the idea of borrowing the Marquee but where are we going to put the marquee it is a bit of a big
bastard!!!!!!

You could fit four of them in my garden, dude... ( Smug Grin... )

Maybe you can but I don't want a MONKEY party 
My garden is long enough but it won't be wide enough

I don't want it there anyway! I'm not letting anyone even distantly related to TWH's mum run around my house and scaring my neighbors. But dude, Clapham doth suck. We've gotta think of somewhere else to have it. What about Ravenston Village Hall? That was big enough for 100, easy. Let's go there!

Top idea, I will investigate into that, and it has a bar. Dude you are a hero!!!!!!

Anyway, man, are you coming down to Fitchy's tonight to receive a good ass-whooping from the AvP master?

YES, I certainly am tonight and if you are luck my PC will be a-coming, so you'd best watch your back you Predator!!

Dude, I just got my daily snickers bar from the food machine and it didn't stop, it just kept winding round and round and dropping out loads of Snickers bars! So everyone in the offices around me has got one, ( Including Sandra who smiled... Hrr... (She once told me that she would bend over backwards to be helpful... Now that would be a VERY nice view... Hrr... Hrr...)) Oh God, she just walked in and stood right next to me... Think of the visions that were running through my head...
"Stop Staring!"
"I can't!"

You are a twisted old man, pull yourself together, have you got her number yet..... I should not be encouraging you, but man make her be helpful and get a photo, you must have some spare cameras lying around!!!!

She is indeed fine my man… How did we get through the day before you found your e-mail? What did we do all day before?

I know, I haven't done any work this morning yet, except I had to go and see my boss,  OOOHH  and she wanted to now what skills I had, e.g. IT skills, and YES she thinks that I am the greatest...

Greatest... Greatest what? Big Lanky Twat? Foo' who can't dunk? You IT skills are as small as Sacha's dick! Well, not quite, I guess you know how to turn one on ( a computer, not a Sacha. )

I am the GREATEST, anyway I am going to have to do some work now I will mail ya at 11.30 OK

Oh no, what will I do! That's almost an hour away! Please don't leave me dude! Please! I don't think I can survive… Bye man!

WORK!!!!

No! It's against my religion.

Piss Off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aw, that's not very nice...

I ain't listening, but I am working!!!!!!

You may not be listening, but you are hearing!

You can't hear Jimmy, you maybe listening but you can't hear him!!!!!!!!!!!!
White men may not be able to jump, but I can dunk!!!

I thought you were working.

Sorry to disturb you, dude, but I just got something through the e-mail that I thought you might like...

I HAVE 20 FREE AUDIENCE TICKETS FOR A SHOW CALLED "THE STAYING IN SHOW" HOSTED BY AMY LAME.

Amy Lame! What a name! Amy Lame!

Here are some Jokes (A little sick some of them) <<attachment : Diana Jokes>>

Dude, they are really ill! ( But very funny... )

Okay, it's 11:30... NOW... Where is my e-mail you liar?

My 11.30 e-mail was sent to you in advance with the Di jokes, loser, so there!!!!!

Who are you calling a loser, come-face? How 'bout I come round to Eastern and WHOOP YOUR ASS?

Come on then punk, come round to Eastern and I will sort yow out!

I'm gonna WHOOP Y'ASS! I'm gonna open up a six-pack of WHOOP ASS on Y'ASS! Why don't you come down here? CHICKEN!

That dump? I would not been seen dead and that shit hole!!

( Silly Chinese ninja man accent... ) Aww, now youw in twobal... I so angwy I wirr use the MONKEY ATTACK! WHOO-TAH! EE-ER!!! HY-YAA!!! WA-WA-WA-WA! EE-ER-EE-ER! WA-HA!!!  You now see the power of the ancient Chinese accent!

Did my funny Chinese accent attack kill you or some thing?

It did not kill me but I was scared that I was going to be ninjad out of this world but as it was you it ain't that bad

What's going down, man?

Don't know what is going down?

Your mum.

you got a problem with me ma!!

I'm going to lunch now, dude... I'll be back in two hours...

I'll be waiting for ya!!


Two hours later…


Awight wicked dude, I'm back!

So I see, my friend...

I went to the Pilgrims Progress for lunch. Then some stupid delivery man with a truck was parked in the middle of the road and I had to sit behind him for ages. Damn him and his crappy, dirty truck. I should have used my Chinese accent on him, and was just about to, but he moved. He a very rucky rorry driver. I could have used the MONKEY ATTACK, but I thought I should get back to work. I'm gonna monkey attack your Marine ass tonight! Bring it on!!!

I always new that you were a monkey

We'll see who is the monkey tonight, my man. Bring it on. Any level, any gun you like. I'm gonna cut your head off!

Ok then!!

My, what a literate reply... you are indeed Charles Dickens my friend...

Well thank you Sir

I was kidding…

Wicked

Whatever. What's going down tonight, dude?

What time are you going to Fitchys?

I dunno. You know me, man of mystery. I'll probably get there at about half six - seven.

I'll get there about 7.30 yeah!!

My god, how happy you seem! Seven thirty... why don't you get there at seven... That's if you bother turning up at all, of course.

Shut it!!

Dude, that reply fails miserably to answer the question 'why don't you come at seven'.
    "Why don't you come at seven?" said Jimmy.
    "Shut it!!" said Katy.
    Jimmy was understandably confused.
Anyway, I can say that, you've said that you've been coming for the last two days now...

I've been saying I MIGHT be coming for the last 2 days, but I am saying I WILL be coming tonight

WHAT TIME? You stupid monkey...

7.30

Why don't you come at seven?

Because I am going to eat first then taking TWH to Pete Fitch's house, that is if she is going to see him, if she ain't I will be round earlier

No, no, no dude. If she isn't going to Pete's house you won't come round at all. Duh!

No No you see I will be coming round
Do you have Mike F number as Pete is over there and TWH wants his number.

I do indeed, good sir. It is 01234 721***.
Dude, why do we not consider this sensibly. If you are going to Pete Bitch's house then why not drop in at my house on the way past, back, or whatever, and we can go together, because you don't know where he lives. I think that is a good idea.

OK then that sounds good......
Nice one Mate

What time do you reckon you'll roll past my house, dude?

I ain't sure shall I ring ya when I get home from work?

Well, yessireebob. There really is very little to do. If I wasn't so intelligent I wouldn't have done it all in within 30 minutes of getting here. Ho-hum...

What time do you get home from work dude??????????

Oh ye of many question marks... I'll chill into my house at about 17:30, man, that's if I don't crash or anything. The car valeting man is here on Friday, he's only 3 notes to clean your car inside and out, but he refuses to clean mine. He says I've got to tidy it out first. I mean, what's the point of giving it to him to clean if I've already done it? The blokes a con artist.

I don't blame the bloke due to the mess in your car!!!

Dammit, man, what are you trying to say? All that's in these is a load of empty fag packets, my clothes, some rubbish, my trainers, two remote controlled cars, bass box, books, a tent, etc. At least it still has phat viper stripes!

Obviously the phat viper stripes (as cool as they are) do not appeal to the car cleaning bloke and that is why he is cleaning cars so if I were you I would set up another stall and charge a bar per in what ever state it is in. That'll teach the Damn Fool!

Yeah! I should teach him to quit his jibber-jabber, or he'll learn how to fly! Quit you' jibber-jabber, foo'!

Yeah Baby, Yeah!!!!

Erm, yeah.

Well Ya ha   

Well, dude, I cannot think of anything to say. I do know, however, that I am going to WHOOP Y'ASS tonight! COME ON! BRING IT ON! WHOOP Y'ASS! WHOOP Y'ASS! WHOOP-ASS! CRACK OPEN A SIX PACK OF WHOOP-ASS OF Y'ASS! BRING IT ON! BRING IT ON! YEA! YEA! COME ON! WHOOP Y'ASS! WHOOP Y'ASS! WHOOP Y'ASS!

Pardon my little friend???

I have just though of something else, dude. How come I seem to be the only person in the world to actually write sensible e-mails? I don't, like, use twenty exclamation marks, and I don't spell words wrong or mistype things. I just write them as little letters. I don't know why. Okay, I'm going to write a few as fast as I can, and use plenty of punctuation to try and make boring points seem more interesting. Hmm.

Its the only normal thing you do!!!!

hey what r u talking about man??!!???!!!!!! U know that im crazy-a-bonkers!!!!! YAHOOO!!!!!! Yeah, BTW, im LOL, yeah!!!!   

Ai !!!!

What does ai mean, dude??!?!?!???!??!

YOU THERE?
Opps - caps lock!

yeah, here I am!!!... No, typing like that sucks. I'll go back to being normal, and in one swift move, I'm going home. Ring me later, yeah? Oh, and, by the way, I've got something here for you...<<attachment : e-mails>>

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