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I am the undisputed ruler of the
road race. Whether the car is fast or slow, I know how to get to where we've got
to go before anyone else. If you read on, you will know too.
Racing is fun. People go to watch the BTCC and the Grand Prix, so why don't you
do it for yourself? You will need:
a car
a friend with another car
somewhere to start from
somewhere to go
guts
luck
co-drivers are always handy, too.
(I find that green lights are useful but the red
lights just slow you down, so just ignore any sort of road sign! - Nase_2K)-(Yeah,
like "Corner" or "Slippery when snowing", eh Nase? - DJ Ess*)
The Basics - Speeding up
To start off the line, give the car plenty of foot to get the rev's up high. Now
control the clutch and try and get a tiny bit of spin on the tyres. You don't
want them exploding into a riot of smoke, because you'll lose traction and go
nowhere. Just a bit of slip will let you know that you've got as much power down
as you can. Now that you've set off fast, you want to keep speeding up fast, so,
if you've got one, wait for your rev counter until it gets about 1000 revs from
the red line, then change gear quickly and smoothly, blip the gas and dump the
clutch. Keep the accelerator squashed to the mat unless you are changing gear.
Congratulations. You can make a car go fast down a straight road. You are the
drag strip king! But there is a wall at the end of the strip! What do you do?
The Basics II - Stopping
If you have ABS, life is easy. Clutch in and stamp on the brakes.
Du-du-du-du-du-du. Stopped. Done. You may go on. If you don't have ABS, well,
life isn't that bad. Leave the clutch alone, and put the brakes on hard. As the
car slows down, change down the gears with it two at a time, i.e. Fifth, third,
first. When your down to about twenty you can jam on the brakes and lock up
because you will stop before you lose control of the car. If your car does lock
up, don't panic, just try and keep it in a straight line and ease off the
brakes. As soon as the tyres start moving again, start braking again. Swear at
whatever caused you to pull off an emergency stop, and get going again.
The Basics III - Slowing Down
When you come up to a corner, or whatever, leave it late until you brake. The
further you can go fast, the quicker you will get there. Brake smoothly and
change down gears to keep up with the braking, not only will you get going
faster but you'll slow down better. If the road is wet, or otherwise slippery,
you may want to use engine braking more than hydraulic braking. Fair enough, but
you may find that the car locks up for a second or so as you let the clutch up.
If this happens, just blip the revs slightly before you let the clutch out, and
you problem will be solved.
Hey-hey! You are doing quite well! You can speed up and slow down. But what are
you still doing on your side of the road?
The Basics IV - Corners
Here's the deal. You want to make the corner as loose as possible. That means…
Going on the wrong side of the road. Oh no! Right. I'm assuming that you
drive in England, or, at least, on the left. Okay. For a right hand bend, get
tight to the left hand kerb and brake nice and late. Still braking, swing into
the corner, aiming the front of the car for the middle of the right hand kerb,
the bit that sticks out the most. ( That's called the apex, kids. ) Come off the
brakes just before you get to the apex, and jam your foot back down. Keep the
steering smooth, and go right back tight to the left hand kerb as you come out
of the corner to give yourself as easy a bend as possible. For a left hand bend,
do everything the same on opposite sides. In other words, keep tight to the
right hand kerb, swing into the left apex, come out to the right kerb. Simple.
Jobs a good-un.
Look at you! You're a veritable Ayrton Senna! But hang on, you'd best make sure
you don't end up like him. Read on.
The Basics V - Don't Crash ( Especially in the snow - Nase_2K. )
If, when pulling off fast, you light up and the car starts to slide sideways
instead of forward, come off the accelerator until it grips again. When going
into corners, do not, under any circumstances, whether you are going fast or
slow, run into any of the kerbs. If you hit the any kerbs with the front wheel,
you may well find yourself rolling across the road and into the hedge. Hit them
with a back wheel and you've definitely lost it, your car's spinning, you're
screwed. So keep away from the kerbs. How about if you meet a car coming the
other way while your on his side of the road? First off, don't panic. Look
closely and see if you are going to hit them. DO NOT jump on the brakes or swing
the car violently to the other side of the road. If you think you are going to
hit them, brake, hope they do too, and get your car out of their way. Don't try
and get onto your side of the road, just make sure you get out of the way.
Got that? Good. You may go up a level, my apprentice.
Advanced I - Chicanes
A chicane is a left hand bend, followed by a right hand bend. Or a right hand
bend, followed by a left hand bend. These are pretty simple. If they are loose
enough, you should be able to turn them into a straight line by driving up the
centre. If not, then the line you come off the first corner at should be the
line you go into the second one. If the corners are sharp, come into the first
one slow, and go out fast. Chicanes? Piece of piss.
Advanced II - Roundabouts
This is where you start getting really inconsiderate to other road users. For
starters, ignore lanes. You can still indicate, but don't worry about where you
are. A roundabout is one of three things. If you want to go left, it is a sharp
left turn. So, get onto the right as you approach it and treat it as such. If
you are going straight on, then it's a left-right-left chicane. Start off on the
left hand side, swing left and hug the inside of the roundabout until you can
come off, just missing your left hand kerb. Because of the way the car is
balanced when you do this, you can do it far faster than you think. If you are
turning right, it is a long, hard left-right chicane. Come in hugging the left,
and again hug the roundabout until you can come off, shaving the left hand kerb
as you do so.
Advanced III - Overtaking
There are three types of overtaking. Out-powering, flashing, and out-handling.
Out-powering is the way you are taught to overtake in driving class. Get in
behind them, drop a cog, floor it and pull out and round them. You can
slip-stream them if you wish, by using the car in front to move the air out of
the way, but don't do this as you go round a corner because all the down-force
you need will disappear. Flash overtaking is something you do if you come down a
road and meet some doddery old dear doing forty whilst you are doing seventy. It
takes very little time to overtake someone if you are going much faster than
they are, so just grit your teeth, floor it, and flash past them. If someone is
coming the other way, make a choice and make it quickly. Go or stop? If you're
overtaking a lorry, tractor, or bus, and you are nearly past, go for it. Hit the
horn and the gas and hope everyone else slows down. ( I believe in the horn,
I had twin air horns on my Fiesta and they got people out of my way! - Nase_2K ) Be
ready do swing back into your road fast and to recover if the back end steps out
once you do. Otherwise, pull off a very hard and very controlled emergency stop,
bearing in mind that if the car steps out to the left or right that you're dead.
Out-handling is simpler. Get on the inside of someone on a corner and as soon as
you are one inch in front, it is your right of way. Your line. Use it.
Wahoo! You are the road racing demon! Time to go to the next level…
Rude Boy I - Handbrake Turns
Okay. Handbrake turns are only used in very specific conditions. Never use them
in the dry, you'll just lose all your speed and most of your tread. Only do
handbrake turns in the wet, or on grass or gravel, and only then on sharp bends.
Here's how. First, find a field, or, wait for it to rain and use a superstore
car park. Have a practice. (Large fields are fun to try on, but don't tell
the farmer - Nase_2K ) What you want to do is brake, start steering, lift
the handbrake ( keep your thumb on the button, ) let the back step out, change
down into second, steer the opposite direction until your front wheels are
pointing where you want to go, rev the bollocks off the car and light up.
Handbrake off. The car should magically go straight where you want it to. You
will have to practice. (I can do it, I am the handbrake champion! - DJ Ess.)
And now you have to do it on a corner. Get on your normal racing line, brake,
and steer in. Pull on the handbrake. Steer fast, second, rev up, clutch off. The
front wheels should still be near the apex of the bend and pointing down the
road. Handbrake off, and, wahoo! You've just pulled off the ultimate trick, and
the bloke you are racing with is eating your smoke.
Rude Boy II - Power Slides
The description here will be using a car with Rear
Wheel Drive, as I call it Correct Wheel Drive, rear wheel drive will always be
enjoyed by the true sports car driver. Although
most manufacturers have turned their back on rear wheel drive, almost all proper
sports cars and most of the high end powerful cars are still produced in rear
wheel drive (so is Bob! - X-Files).
Power Sliding is when the rear of the car is held out in oversteer using the
power and the front of the car is kept in check using the steering. Woo you can
steer all four wheels without AWS!! Yeah!!
Because the rear wheels are driven you can brake traction to the rear wheels by
simply applying enough power that the tyres can no longer hold the road, then
the back will try to overtake you on the outside, Don't panic this is what we
want as it is driving the car into the corner. IF
the front wheels maintain grip you will go into oversteer (IF, Big
IF!!! Found that one out and landed in a field, everything was ok though, except
my mate screaming in agony when he bashed his knee - X-Files). If you do not
maintain front-end grip you car will continue in the original direction before
you turned.
Generally speaking, more power means more sideways.
If the car starts to swing too sideways you should back off so the rear
tyres can grip the road a bit, or the back will over take you! All you got left
then is panic and find your car is spinning (As Fitchy says "Panic &
Crash" - X-Files). If the rear
wheels start to grip you need to quickly add more power to push the rear of the
car out a bit.
This
technique is used extensively in rallying and other derivatives (RUDE BOY
STYLIE - All), practice makes perfect (or costs you a lot of money) but
watching a skilled driver you will see little steering movement.
The ideal method is to turn in hit the gas and let the car go sideways,
set the steering (opposite lock) and steer the car using the throttle.
The corner should be timed so that the opposite lock will be smoothly
wound off until the car is accelerating straight on out of the corner.
Important
During
a power slide the car is being balanced on its absolute limit.
For this reason it is also at its most potentially unstable.
If the rear wheels suddenly grip the car can snap into vicious oversteer
in the other direction. Knowing when to
wind off the lock is one of the most important things to get right.
Rude Boy III - Left Foot Braking
Alright, consider this. The most grip you can get out of a car comes when there
is an equal amount of weight on each tyre. When you're slowing down, there is
more weight on the front and less on the back. This can cause oversteer if you
go into a corner. So, whaddya do? Why, you accelerate and brake at the same
time. This way, the car is slowing down but is balanced better than if you were
just braking normally. There are two ways to do this. You can brake with your
left foot. In an automatic, this is the best way to do things. In a manual,
well, you'll still need the clutch, and taking your foot off the brakes isn't
advised. So you use your right foot for both. Brake a little bit harder than you
need to and use the edge of your foot on the gas. You don't have to accelerate
hard, just enough to feel the back of the car dip. It's hard, but it'll get you
an extra 10mph through a corner.
Rude Boy IV - Deliberate Understeer
This works on sharp corners, chicanes or roundabouts. As you swing the car in
one direction, one of the wheels will lift and lose traction. At this point,
steer sharper than you have to to get to the next corner, then jam your foot
down. The car will understeer, won't turn as sharply and you will find yourself
heading perfectly for the next corner. Keeping it nailed, steer straight and as
both wheels get traction the car will leap forward far faster than it could ever
accelerate.
Rude Boy V - J Turns
J Turns are good and simple. Use them when you want to turn around fast. Floor
it in reverse, get lots of speed and then steer sharply in one direction, press
the brakes just enough to get the weight off the front wheels, find first,
accelerate hard and steer back straight. You should be moving in the same
direction, but facing the other way. It is called a J turn because the bottom of
a J is the shape your car is moving in.
Co-Drivers
Co drivers are very important. They can tell you what corners are coming up, if
there is anyone coming from the left at the junction, or they can light your
fags for you. Here is a list of co-driver words, and a definition.
Easy left / right - a eighty mph corner
Medium left / right - a fifty mph corner
Hard left / right - a forty mph corner
Square left / right - a 90 degree corner
Hairpin left / right - a corner that folds back on itself
Easy* Chicane left - a left-right chicane
Easy* Chicane right - a right-left chicane
Crest - sharp bump in the road, like a hump-back bridge
Medium Right,* Tightens - a fifty mph right-hand corner which gets more narrow
as you go around it.
Medium Right* into Hard Right* - a fifty mph corner that goes into a forty mph
corner
Clear left - no-one's coming. Pull out.
*This could be any corner.
Choose Your Weapon!
Right. If you really want to be good at this, you need to pick the right
vehicle. I'll go through the entire HSLife teams' cars, and give my humble
opinion.
DJ Ess
Good God, how many car's his this guy got though? (Ay! Quit it or I'll
put your name on this! - DJ Ess)
Okay, I'll pick a few. Well, there was Neville the Nova. Nova's are great rude
boy cars, especially this one. 1.3 litre injection, DOHC, it was nippy, it had a
good top speed and held the road reasonably well. It's gearbox was close to
perfect, and insurance for Nova's is still really cheap. Ally the Almera was
like a big-boy version of Neville. 2 litre injection with traction control and
ABS, Almera's stick to the road like glue and are very fast with it. Plus they
look the part. As for Doris the Datsun, well, it handles like a piece of shit,
it's slow, quite frankly it should get whipped by anything else on the road, but
somehow DJ Ess manages to make it shift. ( I'm just the man… - DJ Ess )
It must take some doing though, (It does. - DJ Ess) so, unless you
want a real challenge, don't buy one. And, saving the best for last, there was Ronnie
the Rover. (Come back Ronnie, I love you! - DJ Ess) Even
though it may look like it's a good, sensible car, this thing was like shit off
a stick. It was dripping with racing mods, like, to name a few, ABS, traction
control, slide control, limited slip front diff., etc., etc… Quite frankly,
all you've got to do is point this thing at a road and it will fly. Nothing
anyone had could beat the god damned car. (Not even RS Turbo's! - Smug DJ
Ess)
Nase_2K
Nase_2K has only had two cars. Lets look at them in order. Fester the Fiesta
was, and let's be fair here, a piece of shit. It was slow, it handled, well,
badly and it didn't really have much in the way of brakes. Well, he's now
redeemed himself by getting "Big Red", a 1.6 Orion with big chunky
wheels on. It's pretty fast, and handles well, but most big cars are always
going to get a shafting from a well endowed hatch-back. But it's got plenty of
room for disco kit, and a really shitty in-car stereo.
X-Files
X-Files owns Bob. Bob was once a rusty piece of shit that sat on someone's
front lawn. Now, after being lovingly stripped, converted and rebuilt Bob has
changed. He now sits in a garage. No, just kidding. Bob is a yellow beach buggy.
It has huge wheels ( and I do mean huge, ) and corners like a Lotus Elise. Bob
also speeds up pretty damn fast, but, with only a 4-speed box, Bob misses out
heavily at the top end, with very little acceleration above 60mph. On twisty
back roads, Bob was beaten ( well, caned, actually, ) only by Ronnie the Rover,
and Ronnie cost £15,000 more. Draw your own conclusions. Now, Bob has been put
away for the winter, and "Little Red", a 1.3 Escort, is on the field.
Well, it's a standard mark IV 'scort, which, especially when compared to Bob,
can be described only as "Average." By the way, X-Files wants a set of
XR3i alloys. Any offers?
Bio
No-one knows how good Bios' car is because, as he freely admits, Bio can't
drive for shit. His license was a miracle, and he totters about in a 1.4 'scort,
which doesn't even have a name.
Fitchy
Fitchy has a Peugeot, with rude boy spoiler and fake alloy wheels. The Pug
is fast and nippy, and handles well. Pugs and cars like them, Nova's, Renault
5's, XR2's etc. are all excellent rude boy cars, and Fitchy's is no exception.
He'd still rather have a motor-bike, however.
Tart With A Heart
TWH has a 1.0 Metro which doesn't have a name. She doesn't however, have a
driving licence, so none of us really know how well the Metro goes. But I'll
make an educated guess. It's piece of shit.
Short Arse
Short Arse drives a 1.8 Escort mark V. It may have a rude-boy spoiler, but
the fact remains that it is still a diesel, and even Doris the Datsun will out
accelerate it. Mind you, once it is up to speed, it does tank along, and handles
very well in the dry, but has a habit of spinning in the wet. The brakes are
very good, too. Maybe these things go together…
And Finally, The Police…
Ah yes. Enforcers of justice, predators of criminals, and spoilers of fun. Dear
Mr Plod, I freely admit that more young people have accidents whilst driving
than anyone else. But, proportionally, old drivers are by far the most
dangerous. It's just that there are more young people driving than old, so of
course they are going to have more accidents. How often do you hear of a
nineteen-year-old reversing over his wife whilst she directs him into a parking
space? How often do you hear of a nineteen-year-old driving into a shop at
twenty miles per hour? Get out and do your job. Go and catch some god damned
murderers, or muggers. Or catch the people who steal our alloys or stereo's. You
pick on young people because it's easy, and you are all lazy bastards. If you
don't agree, e-mail me. Please do. Wankers.
Anyway, the plod. Well, this is your choice. The grumpy sods frown
on racing of any kind if your doing it on what they call "their"
roads. ( Yeah, fuck off plod, I pay your wages. ) So, if you hit a speed limit,
here's what I advise: Stick to it. No race is worth losing your license for.
So go at forty, or whatever, and don't go above it. Bear in mind, though, that
you don't have to go below 40 either, so stick at forty no matter what sort of
corners come at you. If you want to break the speed limit, here is what I
advise.
Once you have passed two cars coming the other way, if they haven't
flashed you then you can assume that you are okay. Be wary of slow-moving cars,
though, because (a) they could have just pulled out of their drive and so not
seen the copper, or (b) they could be going slow because there's a speed trap
about. If you see a car in the distance going the same direction as you, and he
is going fast, don't worry about it. You'll see any problems when they get him.
Or, alternatively, for a bit of fun, buy or borrow a McLaren F1. Vroom! These
babies can go fast enough to outrun not only a police helicopter, but if you hit
a speed camera fast enough, then the car will be out of shot before the photo is
taken.
While we are on the subject of speed camera's, get a radar detector
and put it in your car. They actually do work and can save you loads of money.
Also, remember the speed camera tricks. Trick one: with a normal speed camera,
if you overtake somebody just as you both go by the camera, it'll take a photo
of them instead of you, even though you were the one breaking the law. Also,
with the new digital camera's that they are introducing, there are ways around
them. If you spot one and think that it might have trapped you going to fast,
try to change lanes, or get onto the other side of the road. If you do, it'll
either give up on you or take a photo of the poor sod behind you. Come on, plod!
You can do better than this!
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