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Okay. If you've
got this far, then you've either :
Clicked a random link in
the contents, or
Actually read a lot of
stuff.
Well, by now you should have read
something along the lines of "Neville the Nova, Nase_2K, Snow,
Write-off", and maybe you want to know the story behind it. Well...
As
you may or may not know, I, DJ Ess, used to work for a computer repair
company called Maindec. I am now going to cry, because I have to mention
that they gave me a company car, Ronnie the Rover (Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!).
Now, being the generous kind of chap that I am, I had no need for my
Nova, Neville, whilst I had a company car. So, I lent it to X-Files to
hack around in whilst he was at Uni, on condition that he fixed the
drivers window, so that it went up and down. Neville came back, still
with a broken window, when Nase_2K's car, Fester, broke down once and
for all. So, I had Ronnie, and Nase had Neville.
Neville is (was) one of the fastest Nova's in the god damned world. It
had the greatest gearbox it could have, and it flew along. At one point,
I was going to buy some big chunky tyres for him, as his current one's
were running out of tread. Bear this in mind.
Nase_2K really liked Neville, and we used to have great races between
him, Fitchy and I. Neville was groovy and cool, and was king of the
phrase "Nippy".
One morning, I got to work, and it snowed. Hand-brake turns were the
order of the day, even though Ronnie's anti-slide system tended to ruin
most of your fun.
Eventually, it was time for me to go home.
Nase_2K phoned, and said "You wanna play Bloody Roar?"
"Yes." I replied. "Come on over."
"Okay." he said, "I'll set off now."
"Okay. Be careful with my car, dude."
"Will do. Bye."
"Bye."
Nase_2K and I are not exactly the most sensible drivers in the world.
I had been in Neville with him when the rear end swung out around
corners, when he overtook people with less that an inch to spare, when
T-junctions seem to leap up from nowhere, and when he attempted to
overtake my Rover on a sharp country bend. I could see the tractor that
I had to pull out around. He couldn't. It was credit card close. But
never, not once before or since, had I asked Nase_2K to careful with
Neville.
Like I say, it was snowing. Nase_2K and Neville went around a eighty
degree corner too fast. The back end skipped out, all four of Neville's
tyres said "Screw you" and down the road they went,
over-steering left, over-correcting, over-steering right,
over-correcting, and so on, and so on, and so on. Until they ran out of
road. Neville hit one of the high verges on the side of the road just
perfectly to flip him over onto his side. And there he sat, headlights
and stereo still on. Nase_2K, who was unhurt, clambered out of the
window and jumped down to the floor. It was only then that he realised
that he still had his fag in his mouth. Respect is due, I think you'll
agree.
For fairness, I will let Nase_2K have a say.
Yes, okay I rolled Neville, he was a
great car to drive, he wanted to be driven fast, but one day he was
driven a tad too fast. I got a long way down the road trying to get him
straight but it was not enough, I hit the verge and the back end came up
and he rolled onto his side and that is where he laid. - Nase_2K.
With the help of some guy from a nearby house, Nase_2K managed to
pull Neville back onto all four wheels (God only knows what that did to
the shocks), and Neville still ran, so Nase_2K continued onto my
house. Neville looked bad, but not as bad as you might have thought. The
doors were all rippled and buckled, the wing mirror had been torn off,
and two funky wheel-trims smashed. How all the windows stayed intact,
especially considering Neville was pulled back onto his wheels, I will
never know. Neville still drove well, and, after some panel beating, his
doors looked okay, too.
I
clambered out of the drivers window, and once I got out I realised the
bloody stereo was still pumping so I clambered back in to turn it off.
Some bloke and I got him back onto his wheels and I got in, he started
straight away and I drove him back to DJ Ess's house. Some people say
you have to have a crash when you are young to make you wary of the
dangers of driving, others say make sure you do it in somebody else's
car. So I did. - Nase_2K.
About two months later, his MOT came up. I went into my Dad's workshop
to give him a quick look over, and to change his exhaust for an even
phatter one. It was then I spotted the dent in his sill. It was a foot
deep, and continued all the way through the chassis, to the middle of
the car. Neville was dead.
If anyone ever had a head-on crash in Neville, he would fold in half
like a Christmas card, killing everyone inside him. All near side
rigidity was down the pan.
Neville was scrapped.
And that was the end of that. So now whenever you read about Neville,
you'll know what went on. He may just about have been repairable, so if
anyone knows of a blue Vauxhall Nova, registration D444 BLX, let us
know. Cheers.
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